I hate can openers

I really hate can openers.

I don't know what it is exactly, but I just don't like them. It really shouldn't be that difficult to use one metal object to open another metal object. But it is. Most of the time I give up. "To hell with this...I didn't really want any corn anyway!!" or other times I fight the can. I squeeze it, crush it, bang it, (after using the can opener) and nearly cut myself from getting the contents out. Why is it so difficult? Am I can-opener declined?...sigh.

Kudos to Campbells for the pop top tab lids on their soups. Sometimes I open all my soups just to get a feeling of achievement. Why can't all cans be like this?

That's why you never see anyone donating a can opener to a food drive, once you find a can opener that actually works, you hang on to it like it's your first born. "Sure, I'll give you some of my pears- oh wait, you want to open it to? Sorry, can't help you."

I currently own three can openers now and only one of them works. I've mangled two forks, three knives, and shattered a spoon in the process of opening these devil cans. Luckily the third can opener works splendidly and I can finally eat my fruit cocktail in peace.

Because you're so deeply enthralled with my story, here's a picture to go with it. The can on left was opened with my new can opener. The can on the right, well...you get the idea. If you look closely you can see teeth marks. Stupid cans.